When it comes to playing hockey, communication and confidence is everything. Sometimes this is easier on the pitch, rather than off.
BeMoreOfYou.com is delighted to be sponsoring Timperley Hockey Club this season, supporting the local young leaders to find their confidence and be exceptional communicators in life as well as in hockey.
Rarely have we been living through such times of change and uncertainty. Many of us are working from home, perhaps indefinitely and we are all had to adapt quickly. From new ways of working, socialising, shopping and even communicating with families. And all this is in addition to the change that life brings anyway. What is certain is there will be more to come.
Clouds form, reshape, pass and form again. Fly through the clouds. Appreciate every moment. Change is constant.
How are you dealing with change?
We often forget that we are always dealing with change. The chances are that some of your best and worst memories involved moments of change.
So remember that you have a lifetime of experience and are perhaps better at this ‘change thing’ than you think. You are still ok. In fact, I suspect, you are probably more than ok. You are doing great.
Change is also movement, progress and learning. It often brings better, brighter or different things. When your house falls through, perhaps a better one is round the corner. When you don’t get the job you hoped for, you get something different and often more suitable. We know this right? It is just sometimes easy to forget in the moment.
How you feel in times of change and ‘in the moment’ can often be a habit. Things are changing, so I have to be worried or anxious. Change is bad. That often means we are resistant to it, clinging on to certainly or predictability. When infact, we know that things are never predictable.
The chances are that you don’t have to feel any of those things in times of change. You can choose to be different. It may take some practice but what would it be like to form a new habit where you could be excited about change, feel strong? Or grounded? Or just really confident with it?
If you can deal with change, you can deal with life. And you are already doing it.
Try asking yourself these six questions
What have been the main points of change in my life?
What am I proud of myself for in the way I responded to it?
What did I learn about myself from the change?
How am I viewing change or uncertainty?
What perspective could I choose to have on it?
If I chose that perspective, how would I be different towards change?
And we all have a choice of how we choose to be. At any point.
I remember, ahead of doing a parachute jump, a good friend said to me
It goes by so quickly, you can either spend the whole time being scared or the whole time enjoying it. Just choose before you jump
It isn’t a coincidence that X Factor still remains so popular among an audience of addicted viewers.
Week after week, it is compelling viewing and nerve wracking to see people putting themselves literally on centre stage to follow their dreams. Have you ever wondered why it makes such good viewing?
However different they are, each contestant shares one familiar trait; they have courage For their dreams, for their belief in something bigger and better, they are prepared to make themselves utterly vulnerable. For two minutes they are prepared to show, waht they believe to be the best of them, to an audience of ‘experts’ and to a thousand strong audience of strangers.
What do they risk? They risk being vulnerable.
They risk walking on stage and being judged even before they start to sing.
They risk choosing the wrong song
They risk it all going wrong
They risk ‘having a bad day’
They risk….well for them, everything.
And yet they still take the risk
They are prepared to be vulnerable.
And that vulnerability risks one of several outcomes:
– They are told they don’t have a talent and not getting through. Hey, they have heard it all before and chosen not to listen to it. Choosing not to listen to that and listening instead to their own self belief is how they got to the finals of the X factor anyway right?
– They learn something new. They handled the pressure better than they thought, they suit a better song choice, they can build rapport with an audience at Wembley. Not too shabby learnings eh?
– They receive the most positive feedback and affirmation of themselves that they had not dared to dream of, For that one moment hearing thousands of people saying not just ‘you’re ok’ but ‘we like you’. Or even better, ‘you’re amazing’. A round of applause, a positive commnet from the judges, a standing ovation. That is what they risk. We’ve seen all of you and we like you?
What better feedback is there?
And as if that isnt’ brave enough or scary enough putting yourself in such a visible and vulnerable situation, just think of those who decide to sing a song that they have composed by themselves? Even more of a risk not to rely on a ‘guaranteed winner’.
A breathtaking risk to most of us.
So here is the good news. You can be on the X Factor, starting tomorrow and without the few million viewers that peak time television that a Saturday night always attracts
Are you good enough?
Yes. You are.
So later today, tomorrow and for the next few days. Put yourself on the X Factor. Show up as though you had composed your own song and were willing to sing it to Wembley. Risk being vulnerable, dare to show people what you think is the best of you.
Be vulnerable. Then watch the feedback…. we think you will be blown away by the audience. You are next on stage, they are waiting to from hear you and they want to hear your best, most vulnerable self.
Right now, thousands of us are probably walking around with cold feet, reluctant to put the flip-flops away for another year, to finally mark the end of (even late) summer and determined to reject the thought of socks and winter boots.
Well this analogy isn’t just about flip -flops and boots, it is about your ability to live in the moment, to be confident of change and be positive about the future.
While in this case the action is moving from flip flops to winter boots, this is a pattern that appears across our lives – when to let go of something and how to be comfortable moving on. Flip flops may mark the end of the summer but if you are an autumn person you will already have your boots out and probably your jumpers too. If you love summer, you will enjoy clinging on to the adventures and the feeling of sand between your toes on the beach holidays or camping trips.
How ready you are to put your boots on, depends on your view on life.
If you can live in the moment, be positive and enjoy change, you’ll accept with ease of the changing seasons.
If you’re not quite so good at those things above (and it takes some practice to be) then you may well be clinging on with a sock, flip flop combination or maybe just still wearing them around the house.
One thing is for sure, you will know when it is time to change. Until then, accept the uncertainty and know that that the moment will arrive.
So next time you find yourself in a flip flop to winter boot dilemma, remember you will know when the time is right
And who knows, you may even enjoy getting your winter socks and winter jumpers out too
Congratulations! You Have Got The Job Of A Lifetime! Today, you are in charge. Infact, from right now, you are in charge not just today but every day. Yes there’s no boss to report in to, just you. You are the only one for the job. You are appointed, Manager Of Life.
If you don’t manage your own life, who is going to? So, if you are not getting absolutely everything you would like out of this precious little, once in a life time, thing called life, there’s no one to sack, no one else to blame, no need to resign, just change it to how you would like to be. The buck stops with you.
This is great news because, that means you get to make all the decisions AND you get to do it now, not when you die (it’s too late by then)
What? Me? In Charge? Now?
Yeah baby. You had better believe it. Wake up and smell the coffee. You get to choose, you get to steer, you get to direct the when, who, what and why of your life. And you get to do it right now.
Blimey Guvnor, I can’t do that, there’s some things that I can’t change.
Well this is when things just get even better. You see you are in charge of your own life in absolutely everything. And in the reality of life (outside of this blog) that means you get to take charge of the two lots of ‘stuff’ that life tends to be divided into
1 Stuff that happens, you can choose how you react to it..so you get to feel great
2 Stuff that you make happen. Creating the stuff that happens to you… so you get to feel great
See, you get to choose everything, all the time. This ain’t no part time job!
Hang on, hang on a cotton picking minute, that sounds tricky and I’m not used to it.
You bet! Being in charge of your own life is a bit of a realisation. It takes a moment to sink in, to take a deep breath and say ‘flipping heck that’s a bit of a responsibility.’
And there’s something else. It’s easy! You already know how to do it, You have all the equipment you need already inside you. You know what is important to you, you know what makes you laugh, what makes your heart sing, what makes you angry. You know what you are not happy about and you know what you dream about. You have full permission to accept the role of manager from now, we’ve looked and there is no one more qualified for the role, No one else has this unique combination of stuff that makes up ‘you’.
So all you have to do is begin to listen to what is already inside you – the stuff that makes you, yes you, feel good. The stuff that you are made of is your very own, in built ‘manage my life’ tool kit.
So how exactly do I begin to take charge then?
It’s easy, all you need to do to begin to manage your life is to listen to what feels right, for you, – ALL the time. It takes a bit of practice and a bit of self discipline. 50 times a day, in the queue for a coffee, cleaning your teeth, in the middle of a meeting, driving home, wherever you are, get into the habit of asking yourself these three questions: Right now ‘What do I feel’
‘What do I need’ What do I choose’
You’ll start by getting really confident about the stuff that happens to you because you’ll react in a way that really feels like you. That feels great. You feel in powerful, constantly. Then, as you get the taste for it and get more confident in this ‘listening to yourself’ lark, you’ll begin to discover the utter wonder of ‘creating stuff’ you want part. That feels even better.
So are you ready to accept the position of manager of your own life and act only from what feels right to you?
Take it from us, it’s bloomin marvellous stuff
How to spot someone who hasn’t accepted the job.
They show signs of being a bit hard done to by life, by circumstance and by others
They are defensive, spending life mostly protecting themselves from risk
They like /need things their own way, it’s safer and more controlled that way.
They focus on the wrong or bad, rather than on the right or good.
They have a tendency to complain because they don’t feel things are in their control or that they have a choice.
How to spot someone who has accepted the job.
They’re calmer, generally more happy with their lot because they know everything is in their power to change.
They are open to and curious about others.
They positively acknowledge stuff and people, regularly.
They show gratitude.
They always skip the ‘story’ and go to the ‘person’.
Meetings, parties and weddings, like it or not, our lives involve meeting new people.
For some, the very thought of meeting new people is frightening, perhaps exhausting. When told that we’re going to meet new people, some follow the announcement with a huge sigh, after all why would they want to make ‘small talk with strangers?’ Isn’t it much easier and more comfortable to stay at home or in the office? Others throw themselves into the possibility and feel excited and energised about who they may meet or what they may learn.
Fact: meeting new people is part of life and, like anything, your perspective is your choice. How you choose to respond to meeting new people will affect your experience.
So for one moment….think about it from the perspective of the person that is about to meet you? What experience do you give them?
When people meet YOU for the first time, who do they see?
How do you show up? Which aspects of you do you let people see? Which ones do you keep to yourself? Perhaps to be seen only by those that you have grown to trust over the years?
Being human (as we all are!) our nature is to find common ground as quickly as we can between ourselves and the stranger. Keen for them to ‘like us’ we often change our behaviour to ‘highlight’ parts of us that we want them to see. Perhaps our humour, perhaps our integrity, perhaps our sense of achievement, we give the stranger clues as to who we are and what we are about in the hope that we can quickly find common ground between us. The common ground is place that both are comfortable to be.
Don’t default to negativity
Recently, I’ve noticed how many people, when meeting someone new, choose to connect with them through negativity. Often without realizing, they choose to tell stories of woe, assuming the role of the victim for themselves or through telling negative stories of what has happened to others. Building rapport through empathy or sympathy is certainly one way to connect, after all we all have stories of woe and there is lots of common ground. But sadly, this often leaves the conversation flat, the whole experience of meeting someone new a little uncomfortable and vitally, entirely covers the brilliance and the wonderful uniqueness of the human being you present. So which parts of you don’t strangers see? And how do you let them see more of you?
Building rapport is better for them and better for you
Relax. Remember that everyone is trying their best in life, you may even enjoy the meeting.
All about them. Focus on them, not on you and see how much easier it is to show up as yourself and how much you stop thinking about how you are coming across.
Pose a question. What is it that genuinely interests you about them? Ask them about it, you will show an interest, prove you are listening and put them at ease.
Positivity. Invest positivity in to the conversation to give the whole experience an entirely different feel.
Observe. What is this person really telling you? Look behind the words they are saying to find what you like about them.
Respond in a genuine way to conversation, information and questions.
Truth. Dare to show them more of you, that you too are human and vulnerable, honesty is endearing. Watch the atmosphere become more relaxed.
Doing a selfie by taking a photo of you in the ‘here and now’ and having a quick look at it for fun before you post it on social media for all to see, is a craze sweeping the world. And it doesn’t just have to be a visual exercise.
Taking a snapshot of yourself in the here and now is always a healthy and fun thing to do at any point. It makes you stop and say ‘hang on a mo, let me have a quick look at me, right now, how am I looking?’
And we’re not just referring to the visual look, we’re referring to how you’re shaping up in terms of the life you want to lead.
Just look at Stephen Sutton, his selfie was a plea to others to make every part of life count, just as he chose to do. It just happened to be a selfie that has today, the day of his memorial service, raised £4m on his just giving page.
So how about taking a selfie right now and asking yourself if you’re shaping up to the live the life you want to live?
Complete our ‘Be More Of You’ Selfie
Let’s start with the question that everyone should be able to answer
1 I believe that I deserve to life a full and fulfilling life. Yes/No
(Don’t worry if your answer is ‘no’ it is a common answer and just means that something, probably a saboteur, is holding you back. Coaching begins here)
2 I dream of a life where I……..(go on, name it, list everything, be bold)
3 At home I want a life where I…….(and this space)
4 At work I want a life where I……..(and this space)
5 If I really push myself and believe there is no boundaries then
What I’d be doing is…….
How I’d be feeling is……
Taking this quick selfie gives you a snap shot moment in time of how you are shaping up. It if throws up some interesting things for you then great. Play with the answers. Give yourself the thumbs up just for doing it.
The one aim for all of us, right now, in this moment in time has to be inspired by Stephen Sutton. Life is short. Life it to the full. That means knowing you deserve to live the life your dream of ,really believing that you can and changing it so you do.
Be More of You.
“Coaching has been amazing. It has impacted on all areas of my life, not just work. I am finding ‘me’ again. And I like it!!! I would recommend it to everyone. My perfect job/work life balance IS out there, I CAN make it and I’m ALLOWED to have it!! Thank you Rachel”
We are born and life flows freely, it’s easy and natural like the perfect, bubbling river. The only thing we know is the natural flow of life, happily and carefree downstream.
As we grow up, we gain a sense of identity from our upbringing and through socialisation. We learn the rules of socialisation, a sense of right and wrong, we get to know who we are and what we are about. As sophisticated human beings, we begin to experience life.
Some experiences we react well to and they fuel our flow.
Others we react badly too and a boulder is put in our river.
But it’s OK, we learn quickly to take a path of least resistance and navigate around the boulder keep on flowing to the best of our ability.
Being human inevitably means collecting boulders.
We’re sophisticated people and more than able to navigate twists and turns along the way through. Sometimes, we build our own imaginary boulders, ‘a lack of confidence’ may act as another boulder to the stream, those little voices of ‘saboteurs’ disrupt our natural flow, a ‘fear of offending people’ or ‘not being liked’ are more boulders in our water
With every boulder, more energy is wasted in navigating them, we flow with less ease and are diverted from our natural path.
Before we know it, we are still making our way downstream but everything seems a little less free-flowing, there’s something that is taking out our natural direction, our energy is being diverted, it all takes a bit more effort.
The boulders we collect through life, block our ability to go with the flow.
Our task is to take charge of our own river, to clean it, to deconstruct the boulders and return it to our strongest, most natural and effortless flow. Here life is beautiful and each bubbling meander can be savoured.
Going with the flow takes effort. It means the ability to let every experience fuel your flow, not block your path. It means knowing what powers your river so much that the boulders offer no resistance, it is the skill of learning to fill your life so full that your natural levels fill the river up taking you flowing easily over the boulder.
To go with the flow
• Choose how you react to every experience, know you can let it ‘fuel you flow’ or let is ‘slow your flow’.
• Take a close look at the boulders that are in your river, see which ones you can quickly remove. Which have you build yourself?
• Understand what it is that gives you so much flow that the sheer force of you can move those obstacles out of the way.
• Learn to appreciate nature’s obstacles and enjoy each part of the downstream journey, knowing you will come across another.
• Learn to like the quiet parts of the river between the boulders and waterfalls of rapid flow.
• Always respect other people’s rivers, they have boulders too.